Sunday, November 2, 2008

Flowers & football tops


Que me desculpem os leigos e os lusófonos puritanos, mas o diálogo abaixo só faz sentido na língua original em que ocorreu, e está reproduzido da forma mais literal possível, para preservar o caráter cômico (ou a falta de).

Da sessão diálogos surreais, conversa com o Respectivo logo após o jogo de futebol americano da Michigan State University contra a University of Wisconsin. O Respectivo, como muitos já devem ter percebido por posts anteriores, é fanático pela Michigan State. E não tem televisão. E se recusou a ouvir o último quarto do jogo pela internet, porque o time dele estava perdendo. No final do jogo, após a vitória da Michigan State por 25 a 24, ele me liga para que eu (com toda minha "expertise", como já diria o presidente do Congo, Lula da Silva Sauro, em futebol americano) reportasse os detalhes finais:

- So, we won?
- Yeah, your team won. The end of the game was really awesome. You should've watched it.
- But wait... what happened? Because when you first texted me I thought we'd lost... Because you said 24-25 and I thought they'd won...
- No. Listen: it was 24-19. And Wisconsin was playing offense. And Michigan State is really retarded, so at this one point a Wisconsin guy threw a great pass, which the other Wisconsin guy caught just five yards away from that line-thingie where they score the touchdown. And then everyone was celebrating, because they still had a lot of downs or whatever to go. But then the referee started waving his hands like crazy and someone said that something happened, which caused Wisconsin to go back to the 40-yard line.
- It must have been a penalty-
- Yeah, whatever. I don't really know. I just saw the ref going crazy and it looked like it was bad for Wisconsin, so I assumed I should be happy. All I know is they were kind of pissed, but it was good for Michigan State, because then Wisconsin was no longer close to a touchdown. And then some other things happened which I didn't really understand and after a while, for some reason it was Michigan State's turn to play offense.
- Haha. But what happened?
- I have no idea, but it sounded good for Michigan State. And they REALLY sucked at first. And then they called for their last time-out, which for me was just random, but it was supposed to have been a very bad move - at least that was what the TV guy was saying. But I really don't understand why that would've been a bad move, since it was just a time-out. I never even knew you ran out of time-outs in football...
- Oh, well they uh... they-
- It doesn't matter. Anyway, then Wisconsin asked for a time-out. But they must have done something wrong, because there he was, the referee again, waving his arms frantically and the TV guy said something about a penalty or a flag. Anyway, whatever that was, it was Wisconsin that screwed up this time, so it was good for Michigan State again. But then they sucked.
- But wait, what was it about the time out?
- Well, that's the thing: I have NO IDEA. I just saw the angry referee again and Michigan State people getting happy, so I just figured it was good. The TV guy said something about the Wisconsin coach failing to actually call for a time-out. Whatever he did - or didn't do, it was really, really bad.
- Hahaha!
- I mean they, I mean Michigan State now, they were doing all sorts of bad moves, like, this one guy threw a pass - and it was a damn good pass. And the guy who was catching the ball kind of missed it at first. He kinda caught it but didn't, so he was juggling with the thing - sorry, I can't call it a ball when it's not round - so, he was kinda juggling the thing for, like, ever. Like, a whole 30 seconds, before he finally caught it. And everyone was really happy at first, but really pissed later. And that was one thing I understood: when he finally caught the thing, er, the ball, he was already out of the field, so it didn't really count, and they had to go all the way back, like, 30 yards back or something.
- Yeah, they've been doing that a lot, not catching passes...
- Yeah, I know. I saw that. But then, when Michigan State were just about near scoring a touchdown or whatever, Wisconsin kept calling for time-outs, like, one after another like c-r-a-z-y. They called for like 4 time-outs in a row, so the last 12 seconds of the game lasted for over a minute or something.
- They do that to ice the kicker sometimes...
- Yeah, I guess that was it. The TV guy mentioned something about icing someone, but I didn't really get it. So then he kicked and scored, and then it was 24-25. Then Michigan State won.
- (hysterical laughter on the other end of the line)
- What?
- (hysterical laughter)
- What is it?!?
- The way you described the game, it's so funny. Like, you have no idea what was going on, did you?
- Well, no... I mean... but I could tell when something was good or bad. I mean, I don't know, sometimes it looked like the other team was gonna score, but then the referee sent them all the way back with the frantic arms... I have no idea why. It was just a bunch of guys in crazy hedious outfits, way too tight for their bodies, running around and piling up on top of each other, and then there was the referee sending them back, and some passes and kicks, or whatever. I kinda got the gist of it, but had no idea what was going on in each play. I mean, those outfits are just too tight!!
- (hysterical laughter)
- Ok, I'm done. But, hey, guess what?
- Yeah. Michigan State won! Yay!

E sabe quando os fanáticos por futebol (o futebol de verdade, aí do Congo, da Inglaterra e tal) ficam num estado de transe psicofísico quando um determinado time ganha? Então, aqui é mais ou menos igual. Só que melhor. Porque pelo menos ninguém usa touca do curíntia.

3 comments:

Pelé said...

menina,
estou abandonando toda a porcaria das ciências sociais para começar a filosofia, ali, ou aqui, na usp. você, menina, que escolheu isso de filosofia, diga-me alguma coisa. por favor.

Aline said...

E para quem eu deveria "dizer", que mal pergunte? Nao costumo postar sobre filosofia no blogue, porque filosofia para nao-filosofos e' bobagem. Mas posso te mandar um e-mail, sei la'. Vai fazer voto de pobreza, e'? Meu unico comentraio e' que entre escolher "ali, ou aqui, na USP", eu ficaria com o "ali" ou o "aqui", mas evitaria o escorredor de macarrao da "intelligentsia" do Congo. Aquela historia de que "gratis, ate' injecao na testa" e' pura conversa pra boi dormir.
(desculpe a falta de acentos... computador estadunidense e' uma merda!)

pelé said...

carloindo@gmail.com

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